


Toxic Love

by Serendipitousfanfics



Series: In Love With the Little Things [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Happy Ending, Toxic Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:00:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29835690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serendipitousfanfics/pseuds/Serendipitousfanfics
Summary: Y/N is caught it a toxic relationship with Johnny that resembles something more like friends with benefits than an actual relationship. Every time she thinks he'll stay and love her, he leaves until he wants her once again. She's been trapped in his manipulation for far too long, but maybe, just maybe, she'll see her worth and leave once and for all.
Relationships: Suh Youngho | Johnny/Reader
Series: In Love With the Little Things [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2203866
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

You heard a knock on your apartment door. Rolling over in bed, you checked the clock. It was nearly two in the morning. They knocked again.

You tried ignoring it and going back to sleep, but the person wouldn’t give up. The knocking grew louder. They were probably going to wake up your neighbors at this point. Not wanting a noise complaint, you got out of bed.

“I’m coming!” you shouted groggily.

Johnny smiled as you opened the door.

“Hey,” he greeted, letting himself into your apartment without invitation.

“I don’t really want to do this right now,” you said, still standing by the door.

“Do what?” He played dumb.

“Well there’s obviously only one reason why you showed up here at two in the morning without a warning.”

“I can’t just come over because I miss you?” He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you.

You shrugged out of his grip. “But that’s not why you’re here.”

“Well we don’t have to do anything. We can just cuddle.” He opened his arms once again and pouted. “Come here baby. I haven’t seen you in forever. I missed you.”

Sighing, you walked over to him. He enveloped you in a hug. No matter how hard you tried to stay away, you always seemed to fall right back into his trap. Johnny knew just what to say to weaken your resolve. It worked every time.

He smiled. “See, I knew you missed me too.” He kissed you again before pulling you towards your bedroom. Turning on Netflix, he put on a random movie. You snuggled next to him under the covers, enjoying this rare moment between you two.

You felt his hand wrap around yours. He moved your hand to rest on his stomach. He shifted next to you and pulled your hand slightly lower.

“Johnny,” you warned.

“What?”

You gave him a pointed look.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“I said not tonight. It’s late and I’m tired.”

“Please,” he begged.

“Can’t we just cuddle for tonight?”

“Please. Can’t we have just a little  _ fun _ ? And then we’ll cuddle the rest of the night. And tomorrow morning we’ll wake up together and make pancakes.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Okay.”

He broke into a grin. Soon clothes were taken off and the Netflix show that continued to play in the background was long forgotten.

In the morning, it was quiet when you woke up. The TV was still on with Netflix asking if you were still watching. The bed space next to you was cold. The hoodie that ended up on the floor last night wasn’t there anymore. You turned off the TV and looked around for any signs of Johnny. A pit formed in your stomach when you didn’t see him right away.

Clinging to a small bit of hope, you wrapped a blanket around yourself. You walked into the kitchen, but it was empty. The pots and pans were all still clean and sat neatly in their places. The shoes that he’d kicked off at the doorway were gone.

A tear rolled down your cheek. And then another tear fell. And another. And another. Until there were too many to wipe away.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

_ A week earlier…  _

“What are we?” You asked. Wrapping the bed sheet tighter around your body, you sat up to look at Johnny who was lying in bed next to you. He lazily traced circles with his thumb on your thigh.

“What do you mean?”

“Like are we just friends with benefits? Dating? A one night stand that doesn’t seem to end? What are we?”

“Babe.” He flashed his signature grin. It was the one he always used when he tried to distract you and divert your attention elsewhere. Usually it worked. But today you were determined to get answers.

“I’m serious.”

“I love you and you love me. Can’t we just leave it at that? Nice and simple. We don’t need a label to tell us how to feel.”

“But I don’t know  _ what _ I feel anymore.”

“Do you not want to be with me then?”

“No, I do,” you started to say.

“Then what’s there to talk about?”

“Us! Is it you and then me? Or are we together as you and me? It’s so confusing when you invite me out for dinner with your friends and then when you come over you don’t even stay the night. You’re just gone when I wake up like I’m some one night stand or something.”

“It’s always been you and me, together baby.”

“Then why don’t you ever stay the night like a boyfriend would?”

“You know that I have a crazy schedule. I have really early mornings or late nights. I don’t know when something is just gonna pop up.” He kissed your shoulder, another one of his classic distraction techniques.

“Johnny, I feel like you’re not listening to me.”

“I am listening. I can’t listen and kiss you at the same time?” He left a trail of kisses across your collarbone. You could feel your resolve caving, but you remained focused.

“I’m trying to have a conversation with you and you aren’t taking me seriously.”

Johnny stopped kissing you to look directly at you. “I am! You are the most important thing in the world to me. You’re my girl.”

“You say that, but it doesn’t feel like you’re my boyfriend. We don’t really do things as a couple anymore. When was the last time we went out on an actual date?”

“My schedule is –”

“Unpredictable, crazy, I know. But you don’t keep your promises. Any promises. You promised to go to my company party last week and you didn’t.”

He kissed you once more before turning to face you. “How about this: tomorrow you and I will spend the whole day together doing whatever you want. I have the day off. I’ll even turn my phone off so there will be absolutely no distractions.”

You sighed. It wasn’t the first time he’d promised something like this. Looking into his warm brown eyes, he seemed so sincere. Like he really meant it this time. Like this time it really would be just the two of you all day.

So despite his terrible track record, you decided to believe him. Just this once.

“Okay.” You couldn’t help but smile, thinking of all the fun things you wanted to do with Johnny tomorrow that you rarely got the chance to do.

Your phone chimed, bringing you out of your thoughts. A notification popped up telling you that you have work in an hour. You quickly got dressed and gathered your things.

“Ugh. I gotta go to work, but I’ll see you tomorrow. Okay? Meet me at our favorite little restaurant at noon. Don’t be late!”

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

You arrived at the restaurant early the next day. Johnny had taken you here on your first date. It has quickly become one of your favorite restaurants. 

Tapping your foot impatiently, you checked the clock for the tenth time since you sat down. It was more than twenty minutes after twelve and Johnny still wasn’t here. You had texted him earlier to remind him, but he hadn’t replied. Your fingers hovered over the screen as you contemplated on whether to text him again or not.

_ Would he get mad if I texted him again? Did something come up again and he just forgot to text me? _ You thought.

The waiter came by, pulling you out of your thoughts. “Can I get you anything else? Would you like to order anything?”

“I’m fine thank you. My boyfriend should be here any minute.”

“Okay. I’m Yuta. Let me know if you need anything.” He smiled politely before leaving to check on his other tables.

It was now over half an hour past twelve. Still no word from Johnny. Should you stay? Was he even coming? He couldn’t have forgotten, not with all of your reminders, right?

_ ‘I’m here’ _ , you texted. _ ‘I’m sitting in a booth. Are you on your way?’ _

You set your phone down on the table and took another sip of your water. You were trying not to obsessively wait for his reply. Patiently, you took another sip to distract yourself.

Then your phone buzzed.

Scrambling for your phone, you unlocked it only to see a notification for an email pop up.  _ It’s only been a few minutes. Maybe he just hasn’t seen my text yet,  _ you thought to yourself.

The waiter Yuta came over with an appetizer and set the plate in front of you.

“Oh, I didn’t order anything,” you said confused.

“It’s on the house.”

The lunch rush slowly started to die down. Customers came, ate, and left while you still remained at your little table in the back corner. You ate through all of the edamame that Yuta had brought.

You could feel yourself slowly starting to lose hope. Maybe he wasn’t coming after all.

But he promised you, a little voice in your head said. Promises are meant to be kept. 

You sighed. When had making a promise ever stopped Johnny from doing what he wanted? To him, promises were made to be broken. A promise from him meant nothing anymore.

“Can I sit here?” You looked up, allowing yourself half a second to believe it was Johnny. That he had come after all. He would apologize and say traffic was crazy or someone fainted and he just had to make sure they were okay.

You blinked and realized it was not Johnny, but the waiter Yuta.

“Oh, uh…” You looked towards the door but there was no sign of your boyfriend. “Yeah, sure.”

Yuta set a big bowl of ramen on the table and sat down next to you. 

“He’s not coming, is he?” Tears threatened to fall.

He sighed. “I don’t think so.” His voice was just above a whisper as if he was afraid that speaking too loud would light the fuse within you.

“God, I’m so stupid.” You hid your face in your hands. You choked back a sob. “Why did I think this time would be any different?”

Unsure of what to say to make you feel better, Yuta did the only thing he could think of. Yuta held the bowl out to you. “Want some?”

Your stomach growled. You had eaten the appetizers that Yuta had brought over, but were still hungry.

Wiping away the stray tears, “You don’t have to wait tables?”

“I’m taking my lunch break and you looked like you needed some company.”

“Oh.”

The restaurant door chimed as it opened. You didn’t even look over to see who it was this time.

“Here try some.” Yuta picked up a piece of pork with his chopsticks and held it out to you. You leaned over and took a bit of the pork. It was really good.

You were about to say so when you felt someone standing over you. You looked up. Johnny stood there holding a small bouquet of flowers.

“Johnny,” you said surprised. 

“Y/N.” His voice was low and gruff. His shoulders tensed as he looked between you and Yuta who was still holding the chopsticks out for you. It was then that you realized how close you and Yuta were sitting.

You felt like a kid caught doing something you weren’t supposed to. 

But why should you feel guilty when he’s the one that is over an hour late? He should be grateful that you even waited that long.

“Who’s this?” Johnny questioned.

“I’m Yuta. And you are?”

“Johnny, her  _ boyfriend _ .”

“Are you sure about that?” Yuta snickered.

“What did you just say?” Johnny lunged for Yuta, but you stood between them and pushed him back.

“If you were really her boyfriend, you’d show up. On time. Not when you feel like it.”

Johnny turned to you as he spoke, “I’m sorry. I still came though. Doesn’t that mean anything?”

“Not really.” You huffed, rolling your eyes. “An hour. You were over an hour late. Most people wouldn’t have been dumb enough to stick around that long.”

“So why did you?”

“I don’t know. I guess I was just stupid enough to think that you might show up for once. You don’t care about anyone but yourself.” You tried to push past him, but Johnny wouldn’t let you pass.

“I care about you. I even brought you these flowers.” He threw them on the ground in front of you.

“Do you care? Because it doesn’t really seem like it.”

“Can you just forgive me already? I said I was sorry.”

“Honestly no, I can’t.”

“Why the hell not?” You shrank back, away from him when he got too close to your face. You winced at his harsh tone. He was starting to scare you. You’ve never seen him this explosive before. People were starting to stare at you and Johnny. 

“I think it’s time for you to leave,” Yuta said.

“I’m not done talking.”

“Yeah, well this is my restaurant and you are no longer welcome here.” Yuta pushed Johnny towards the exit.

Johnny leaned down and whispered in your ear, “You’ll forgive me Y/N. You always do.” Then he stalked out of the restaurant.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

You clocked out from your job, waving at your coworkers as you left. Walking towards the exit you stopped when you saw that all too familiar face.

You quickly turned around and tried to sneak out the back door, but it was too late. Johnny had already spotted you.

“Hey Y/N. You just get off work? Wanna do something?” He greeted.

“Not really.” You tried to walk away from him, but he grabbed your wrist and pulled you back.

“Why not?”

“You only ever have one thing on your mind and honestly I’m done.”

“Oh come on. That’s not the only thing we do.”

“Yeah, it kinda is.”

“You know you love me though.”

You took a deep breath to calm yourself down. Your emotions were bubbling to the surface, threatening to spill over. You didn’t want to make a scene, but that thought was traveling farther and farther to the back of your head with each passing minute.

“I don’t think I do anymore. You _ left _ me. You left and left and left. And all I ever did was forgive you each and every time. I  _ trusted _ you when you said you’d stay, when you said you’d show up. I believed every lie you ever told me. But now? I’m done. Whatever this is. I’m done.”

“Look if you want to take a break–”

“I wanna break up.”

You could barely stand to look at him anymore. All the emotions that had built up over the past months were finally spilling out and nothing could stop this waterfall of emotions.

Johnny tried to speak, but you cut him off. “I’m done trying to pick up the pieces of myself, praying that you won’t leave, and then falling apart when you’re gone again. If you come back to stay, I won’t be there anymore. I’m out.”

You turned around. Tears fell from your face. You thought it was going to hurt less, knowing that you would be leaving him and not the other way around this time. You thought that it would be better… for the both of you. You two would finally move on with our lives and not be trapped in our suffocating love for one another.

But it didn’t.

You walked out the door, Johnny following close behind you.

“Y/N please don’t leave me. Don’t go.” His voice was quiet, barely a whisper. If you had taken even one more step you might not have heard it. “I love you.”

You took another step, then another, and soon enough you were at your car. Another step and you were in the driver’s seat. 

You felt as though you were in a daze. You could barely see as if your thoughts were right in front of you, clouding your vision.

“Y/N I love you! I love you more than anyone else, more than I’ve ever loved anyone before. I’m sorry. I know that I’m the worst boyfriend in the world. I couldn’t stop myself from falling back into old, bad habits, but it’ll be different this time!”

“Different? How will this turn out any different? You haven’t changed one bit. But me? I finally have.” You closed the car door and drove away.

  
  



End file.
